I never quite understood the appeal of the Eva hands-free clitoral vibrator until I got my lips around one. The tiny pear shape fits snugly against my clit, with the Eva’s wings snuggled in between my upper labia. Sound like an anatomy science project? Don’t worry, it’s actually simple to use. The three speeds are conveniently located on the top of the all-silicone gizmo and can be changed with a simple touch, even during use. The compact size allows for simultaneous penetration or pleasant use under a strap-on. Most of all, it doesn’t even look like a sex toy so you can leave it out when company comes to visit. Just tell them it’s a cat toy.
As always, the sleek and unique Eva II gets you there without getting in the way, with flexible wings that tuck snugly under the labia while its body sits on top, allowing clitoral stimulation even during penetrative sex. And of course, it is still the first hands-free, strap-free, non intrusive couples vibrator, made of the smoothest silicone and allowing women to experience clitoral stimulation during intercourse, or while playing solo.
Love Botz Auto Flogger
Flogging is such a fun, naughty pastime to have with your partner. There are so many types of floggers out there in many shapes and sizes. Are you looking to take it to the next level? Do you like speed? Do you like power tools? Yes, power tools, because this flogger is made to attach to the Power Spinner sex machine from Love Botz. Now you can really give your partner a lesson. It features 16 strands of leather that whirl around non-stop for hours of fun — soft or hard, however you want it. Time to take your flogging up a notch.
For more information, Click Here
This flogger attachment provides non-stop impact when attached to a standard drill. Each of the 16 strand wills slap at your desired body part as the drill spins at whatever speed you desire. The metal rod easily inserts into most chucks, providing you with endless pain and pleasure without the labor of swinging a flogger. This attachment is also great for virtual domination, so that the Dom can ensure that their sub is getting what they deserve!
Pure Silicone Pom Plugs
Shake your tail furries with this fluffy-ended butt plug. The compact size of the silicone butt plug is not too scary and the cute fluff ball at the end will delight even the most nervous anal player. The gentle curve of the base fits nicely between the cheeks and the pom is sure to make those cheeks blush with pleasure. Just keep the cat away from it during use.
The Blush Novelties Pure Silicone Pom Plugs are cute little pompoms that you wear in your rear. Pom Plugs is a cute and sexy bedroom accessory to spice up your sex life with your partner. Resembling furry rabbit tails it is great for animalistic role play. Be the bunny yearning for a nice hard carrot. Your partner will enjoy the watching your pompom bounce as he thrusts from behind. A note about the shape of this product. The head and neck of the plug is shaped so when plug is inserted it stays securely inserted. The handle is shaped so that the handle conforms comfortably to your body making extended wear more comfortable. Pom Plug is made from pure non porous platinum cured silicone and contains no animal fur. The Blush Novelties Pom Plug is body safe and contains no phthalates nor latex. Wash with soap and water before and after each use. Air or blow dry the faux fur on a cool setting. Make the Pom Plugs addition to your anal plug collection.
The iFuk Virtual Reality Stroker from XR Brands’ Love Botz line is the cutting edge of male masturbation, combining virtual reality with a high-quality stroker. Customers can download the iFuk VR app, which allows when to customize the experience based on the VR content chosen. The adjustable headset lets users view the action while the stroker, which is equipped with internal sensors, mimics the action being viewed. Buttons to change up the view or the video are handily located on the stroker. There’s a bit of a learning curve to find the right content, get used to the headset and even learn to manipulate the buttons on the stroker without looking, but patience can pay off.
Product Page: iFuk VR Stroker
Varieties: iFuk VR is compatible with Android OS 4.3 and higher and iOS 8.0 and higher.
Power: USB rechargeable
Oral Sex: What Do Women Like?
Here’s What She Really Wants You To Do When You Go Down On Her
If you haven’t figured it out already, it’s time to break the cold, hard truth about what really raises her temperature: going down on her is the key to her orgasm.
Women not only appreciate a giving lover, but they also value someone who is willing to demonstrate the movement, the variation and the endurance they need when it comes to making sure they are not only pleased but exhausted after foreplay.
Oral sex for women is a completely different beast than it is for men. While you need a happy medium between hard and soft, fast and slow, suction and licking, what she needs is a balancing act, too. From being surprised to feeling appreciated — it’s not only about the actual things you do with your tongue (and fingers) but how you help her stop thinking and start feeling.
So how do you making oral sex a great experience for her?
Before you start watching porn to figure out how to make it hotter for her (bad idea), here’s another suggestion for you: talk to her.
Or if you’re not comfortable getting into that conversation just yet, take it from these real women, who revealed what they really (really, really, oh-my-god, really) like about oral sex — and the expert who spoke about why these things are such a turn-on for women:
1. “I like when he lets it be about me.”
Thirty-four year old Sarah from Nashville says that one of the best qualities of her husband is how he is a giver — without expecting anything in return. “Many times, after I’ve had a long day and maybe I’m not in the mood to have sex or something, he’ll tell me to relax and start giving me a head-to-toe massage. I always know that he hopes it’ll end up in intercourse, and it does sometimes, but if it doesn’t, he still goes down on me until I finish,” she says.
For Sarah and for most women, their past oral experiences always resulted in a guy nodding to his member, demanding a tit-for-tat. If you really want her to let go and let her wild side unleash, you have to give her permission to not worry about what she’ll have to do after she climaxes. (And psst: not expecting anything may result in you getting even more — just sayin’.)
Why the expert says this is hot: AASECT-certified sexuality counselor and certified clinical sexologist Dawn Michael says many women struggle with the ability to let go when someone is going down on them. It’s normal for most women to be so stuck in their head about to-do lists, what’s for dinner, what’s going on in their friendships and everything else, so being able to truly be in the moment is a toughie. That’s why a partner who gives her the time and the permission to unleash is a huge turn-on.
“Women naturally are the pleasers and most women report that one reason they do not like oral sex or climax from it is that they can’t relax and let go enough to enjoy it,” Michael says. “Allowing her to enjoy oral sex without expectations, time limits or pressure on her to perform after is a sure way to give her permission to enjoy the moment and let go.”
2. “I like when he surprises me.”
The ladies know that it’s no easy task figuring out the right tongue motion and hand position to get them off (just like they know a blowjob is called a “job” for a reason — it requires work).
But here’s the thing to note, straight from Kristin, 32, from Phoenix: “Just like it’s fun to change positions during sex, it’s always better when my boyfriend does something different during oral,” she says. Instead of circling your tongue to find her sweet spot or mindlessly fingering her until she pushes you on her to begin sex, try something new: spread her wider and see how she reacts. Curl the tops of your fingers and apply pressure to hit her G-spot. Lift her legs higher, wider or in other directions until you hear her respond. This will help her get out of her head and release any tension that might prevent her from finishing.
Why the expert says this is hot: Michael says that any direct clitoral stimulation or repeating the same motion over and over again will help get your partner to relax and begin to be turned on. When you throw in different moves that are also stimulating, you take the oral sex game into a whole other world. Why? Because you’re going more behind the scenes.
“The reality, from an anatomic view of the clitoris, is that only the head is showing and the wonderful legs are buried beneath the skin going into the vagina and waving back towards the cervix. On it’s way into the vagina, it bundles under the G-spot and creates a wonderful, indirect stimulation when that area is touched,” Michael says.
“When I explain to couples about the clitoris, I will often explain that if the head of a penis — which is less sensitive than a clitoris — is rubbed and rubbed, it is going to feel over-stimulated. Imagine just rubbing the head of the penis without the shaft — that would be similar to rubbing just the head of the clitoris without rubbing the legs.”
So wouldn’t you rather shoot for every part, instead of just a few?
3. “I like when he stops in the middle of sex to go down on me.”
“Oh my god. The best kind of sex with my husband is when I’m riding him and suddenly, he pushes me off and goes down on me until I climax,” says Vicki, 27, from Charlotte, N.C. “It always, always gets me off.” Sex isn’t just about the two body parts required to make it happen, but a ton more: your lips, your hands, your tongue.
When you’re unafraid to involve all of these sexy limbs (capable of producing even bigger orgasms), that’s when your sex gets hotter. Most women need both penetration and oral to fully achieve the highest amount of pleasure. If you’re only giving her one at a time, it’s like if she only played with one ball: it still feels good, but it’s not quite as effective.
Why the expert says this is hot: While it’s not technically true that a woman can’t achieve both indirect clitoral stimulation and direct stimulation from intercourse, for some women, it may be more difficult than others, Michael says.
If you’re having trouble multitasking during sex (going at her from behind while massaging her clitoris, for example) — this might be a good option for you, especially if you can maintain your erection the whole time. Stopping during sex to go down on her will stimulate her, and then while she’s getting turned on, you can stop and begin having intercourse again, and repeat until she achieves orgasm.
If you’re worried about seamlessly switching positions — both with intercourse and oral — take a breather. While it might be tricky at first and you may experience some fumbles together, once she realizes that you’re attempting to bring out the best in her and give her the most pleasure as possible, she’ll let go and let you take control. And maybe even help you with the maneuvering once she sees how amazing the different techniques feel when combined.
4. “I love when he warms me up with his hands.”
Though many men use oral sex as a way to get their partner ready for intercourse, women have another tip before going all the way: Use your hands before using your mouth. “There’s a reason why we had bases in high school before we all started having sex and why they went in that order: kissing, french kissing, fingering, oral, sex,” says Caroline, 31, from New York.
“It seems like men forget steps nowadays, but when they don’t, it’s always better.” Before you start going down on her, spend time going crazy with a makeout session like you did back before you ever got laid: feel her up. Grab her hair. Really, really passionately kiss her. And then start with your hands before you venture down south.
Why the expert says this is hot: Remember the time before you started having sex when you were still at the makeout stage? Sure, you likely made grabs for other regions and pushed as far as your high school girlfriend would let you, but what was so intense about those first fleeting moments of innocence was this sense of discovery.
As adults, we may round the bases much faster than our partners would like, so it’s important to stop, take a minute and remember all those old-fashioned ways you got turned on before we rushed to sex on the third date. But, unlike when you were a kid, you can really turn up the kissing ante to make it even sexier with your now-mature skills:
“Kissing is a wonderful way to get a woman aroused and the exchange of saliva also has testosterone transferred to her. One way to really tease her is to take the tongue and softly lick in the inside of her upper lip, almost like you would be giving her oral sex,” Michael says. “Inside the lip is one of the sensitive spots on the human body and a great way to tease her for what is to come next.”
5. “I love when it turns him on.”
“It always disappointed me when my ex-boyfriend would need me to get him hard after he went down on me,” says Ashley, 27, from Boston. “My new boyfriend is always so excited to hear me moan and get me off that he’s ready to go when I am. It’s great.”
Though you can’t always control what happens down there, you can respond to her pleasure by telling her how much it turns you on and how sexy she is. Even expressing this will make her feel more comfortable, more connected and more up for round two (and three and four).
Why the expert says this is hot: Different strokes for different folks is always true, but consider this: think about the best blowjob you’ve ever received. Was it when the girl went down on you grudgingly, didn’t make any noise, didn’t touch her body, didn’t really move or look up at you or make eye contact? Or was it when she massaged her breasts, smiled, locked eyes with you, moaned and touched herself, all while making sure you finished? Hopefully the latter (for your sake) because great oral sex isn’t just about the person who is receiving. Instead, it’s about how you’re both working together to achieve pleasure.
The next time you go down on her, try moaning as you open and close your mouth. If you can manage the multi-tasking, you might even consider rubbing your cock while you’re rubbing her. And if she happens to finish on you while you’re still going down on her, make a point to tell her exactly how much that turned you on, why she is incredibly sexy in your eyes and how you can’t wait to do that again and again. Showing her that her pleasure means a lot to you — even more than your own pleasure — is a sure-fire way to guarantee that hot sex is in your future together.
“As every person is different, most men do get enjoyment from pleasing their partners and letting her hear you groan is one way to show her that, while you’re pleasing her, you’re also enjoying yourself down there and are ready to go to the next step,” Michael says.
6. “I love when he uses toys.”
While you might not think of using a vibrator near your tongue — you should. Laura, 29 from Chicago, says when she wasn’t able to finish from oral sex, her husband brought a sex toy home to take it to the next level. “We were both a little unsure of how it would work, but having the vibrator inside while he was going down on me gave me the sensation I needed to finally enjoy oral sex for the first time ever,” she said.
If you’re intimidated by sex toys or feel like they make you less effective, get that out of your head, stat. There’s something that can be incredibly powerful about vibrators made purposefully for couple play. Many companies specifically design toys — from vibrators to vibrating cock rings and more — that enhance your sexual intercourse, but don’t replace the actual need for one another. In fact, with a sex toy, you can give her an explosive orgasm that you would not be able to achieve with your tongue — but you’re still the one controlling the toy, and thus the one who is giving her immense pleasure.
You can research different toys and try them out to see what kinds work for you. A great place to start, recommended by many experts, is talking to your partner about the ways her oral sex experience could be better. You can shop together at a sex toy store or online if you feel uncomfortable discussing things-that-require-batteries in front of strangers.
WeVibe makes great vibrators for couples that are easy to use and will make your sex even hotter. One example is the We-Vibe Fling. You can use it during intercourse as an added stimulation to her G-spot and clitoris, or with oral sex. Simply insert one side of it into her vagina and let the other side vibrate on top. You can move it up and down and to the sides, and eventually — when she’s ready! — take the one end off of the clitoris and spin it around and start going down on her. She’ll be very, very pleased before the evening is over.
Why the expert says this is hot: Michael says that the big benefit of toys is that they can help stimulate all the different areas that could turn her on and allow you to do things that you couldn’t do without a toy. With varying speeds, sizes and pulses, a sex toy can unleash a side of her orgasm during oral sex that she hasn’t experienced before, mainly because she is getting everything she wants touched, massaged, licked and tightened, all at once. “Stimulating the G-spot with a toy can stimulate the internal clitoral legs that bundle there. Again thinking of it like a shaft, both the head and body are being stimulated,” Michael says.
But while you might get a little trigger happy when you begin using a vibrator on your girlfriend for the first time (boys will like their toys, right?) — Michael also notes that it’s important to be gentle, start slow and let her react to you. Though it’s unlikely, you want to make sure you don’t overstimulate the clitoral head, which could cause your partner to have a very painful — and less erotic — experience. Just like the tip of you, the tip of her is very sensitive, too.
7. “I love when he puts me first.”
“My husband will not even let me think about going down on him until he makes sure I’m there and ready,” says Jordan, 30, from Houston, Tex. “Even though we will often 69 or use oral throughout sex, I love how he puts my needs first and makes me feel like my pleasure is most important.” The best sex is when you’re both focused on one another, but she may need an extra reminder that you’re really excited — and turned on — by getting her off, way before you consider your own orgasm. That’s when you’ll both win.
Why the expert says this is hot: This particular issue might not be a big issue for all couples, but generally speaking, Michael says it’s best for her to orgasm first than her never orgasming at all. It’s important though, she notes, that men who may struggle with early ejaculation could have the tendency to rush their partners to the finish line, since he’s holding out as long as he can, and that could be a turn off. Plus, for most women, the time it takes to orgasm is often longer than the time it takes for their male partner to achieve the goal.
Above all else, Michael says, it’s important to have an open, honest and sexy conversation with your partner. Just like the first time you started having sex with one another, when you first started dating, you had to get a lot wrong before you got it right. Oral sex is like that too, and it’s mostly about trial and error: does she like it when I apply pressure here but not there? Does she get turned on when I lick her faster or slower, and where exactly matters the most to her? Does she get closer when I use my fingers or when I use my fingers and my tongue?
Taking the time to listen, respond and react to your partner will help make the experience stronger and hotter for both of you. The willingness to learn and the ability to adapt are two things that will mean more to your girlfriend than doing the exact right thing. Or trying so hard that she feels pressured to fake something that you’d rather her not fake with you (at least most of the time).
“The best sex is when both people can connect and are able to please each other and feel special to each other,” Michael says. “Pressured orgasm by far is not good sex, so switching things up and exploring each other is the best way to have intimate sex.”
10 Weirdly Awesome Sex Acts You Should Try At Least Once
Some day, you’re going to be 80 and your penis is going to be out of commission. So you’ll want to have some good stories of the outrageous times the two of you had together back in your hay day to entertain your fellow retirement home buddies with.
What I’m trying to say is, there are a few sex acts out there that might sound downright weird when you first hear about them…but once you give them a shot, you’ll be glad that you tried them out. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, you know? Heck, you and bae might even work a few into your normal routine.
If you’ve never asked your girlfriend for a “Pop Rocks blow job” or taken a nibble on her “vampire ass,” now’s the time. Here are 10 kind of strange but totally awesome sex acts you should try with your partner at least once.
1. Pop Rocks Blow Job
In case your childhood didn’t involve seeing how many Pop Rocks you could fit in your mouth at one time during recess, these rock-shaped candies do this weird but pleasing sizzle thing when you put a bunch of them in your mouth. Now, imagine feeling that sensation all around your member as your girl goes down on you with a mouthful of them. Trust us, she’ll be into it — especially if you buy the strawberry flavor.
2. Electric Shock Foreplay
Give your foreplay an added spark by using an electro shock sex toy, like the Violet wand. These toys give off low grade, non-harmful electrical vibrations. It’s stimulating and exciting anytime you introduce an unfamiliar feeling to your body, so turn on one of these bad boys to get things jump started.
3. The Warm Ball Dip
If you’re a fan of ball play, this one is going to make you pretty happy. Dip your balls into a cup of warm liquid — tea, hot cocoa or warm milk are great for this, but whatever you’ve got on hand will do the trick. Then, have your woman blow bubbles into the cup using a straw. Kind of like a jacuzzi for your ball sack…
4. Road Head
It’s not just for the teenagers. Getting some fellatio while you’re out on the open road should definitely be on your sex bucket list. This one is best executed on a long drive where there aren’t many stoplights or much traffic (unless you crazy kids don’t mind having an audience).
5. Butt Plug Pony
Some dudes are really weird about getting their backdoor involved when it comes to getting kinky. But closing your butthole for business really means that you’re missing out, especially since there are a ton of nerve endings back there that are way pleasurable when stimulated. If you want to feel extra manly about it, let your partner insert a butt plug with a tail. Then bang her like the wild horse you are.
6. The Vampire Ass Bite
Ever see an ass so fine that you literally want to take a bite out of it? Taking an actual chomp out of an ass will probably result in assault charges, but taking a nice big nibble that doesn’t break the skin is completely fair game. In fact, it’ll be pleasurable for the both of you.
7. Ice Cream Cunnilingus
Think of it as an ice cream social for your partner’s clit. The cold temperature will feel extra good on her, and she’ll taste like whatever delicious ice cream flavor you opt to use for this one. Not to mention, that leftover ice cream will make an ideal post-shag snack.
8. Etch A Sketch Nipple Play
Take turns with your partner, and treat each other’s nipples like they’re the knobs of an Etch A Sketch. Draw a self-portrait, a butterfly, a race car…as long as you twist them like you’re working toward something, it’s all good. Any day you can make 90’s nostalgia sexy is a good day, indeed.
9. Finger Blowjobs
Before you ask: No, receiving a finger blowjob doesn’t replace the real thing. Basically, it’s a reenactment of a blowjob, done to your fingers before the actual event. Think of it as a sneak preview of what your woman will be doing to your dick with her mouth later on. It’s really, really hot.
10. “Just the Tip” Clit Rub
It’s both of your sensitive parts, rubbed together to create a strange but extremely pleasing sensation. Take the tip of your dick and slowly, gently rub it up and down her clit. Using lube will further help your cause.
The Starlet is a light-weight, mini replica of the company’s original model specifically designed for sex toy newbies and is the newest addition in the company’s line of Pleasure Air intimacy products. To purchase, visit here.
“The Starlet is one of our most creative models,” said Womanizer VP Ryan Poirier. “Because it’s discreet and lightweight, it’s perfect for everyday use and carry. It has less features, but it still delivers orgasms with the same intensity as the full-size products.”
The Starlet continues the company’s new trend of creating small, pocket-sized products for use on the go.
Pleasure Air Technology, which uses air pressure waves to create orgasms, often in less than 60 seconds, now comes in a petite model. The Starlet is a replica of the original model without all the bells and whistles, including fewer intensity levels than the original, and one-button functionality which is perfect for newbie sex toy users. With fewer functions, users can spend more time experiencing the product rather than investing time trying to figure out how it works.
Starlet is splashproof, and offers four intensity levels. It is available in three colors: fuchsia, purple and snow.
The piece runs for 30 minutes on a full charge, and boasts a quiet motor. Starlet measures in at 85 mm by 50 mm by 40 mm.
Visit Womanizer Starlet
8 Sex Tips For Women Who Want To Have Great Orgasms Again
By Carrie Borzillo
You know that old saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks?”
Well, we found eight women, all over the age of 40, who decided to flash some serious side-eye to that sentiment by trying some new things that transformed their lives forever, and they were generous enough to share their favorite sex tips so you can check them out for yourself and start having great sex again, too!
Here are their suggestions, so get ready to take notes!
1. Get tantric.
Tantric sex is not all about having sex for hours on end, as rock star Sting once boasted. It actually includes realistic practices that can help sex last longer.
“My boyfriend and I learned the tantric ‘Breath of Fire’ in which he breathes very fast through his nose to delay his climax. To feel more sensation during the Big O, we growled like tigers to tap into our primal nature. Sounds silly, but it totally worked!” explains Caroline, 51.
2. Take sexy selfies… for yourself!
For Lisa, 46, taking sexy photos of (and for!) herself gave her a whole new sense of self… and sexiness!
“I gained a lot of weight and my self-confidence was down. So I started taking photos of myself for fun. With my digital camera, I was able to control the angle, the lighting, and use a filter — and I liked what I saw. It gave me my confidence back. I don’t apologize for my size anymore and I feel more confidence in life and the bedroom,” she says.
3. Embrace your inner goddess with Buti yoga.
If you want to feel like a warrior princess, a goddess, and a sex kitten all in one hour, then try Buti yoga. That’s how Carrie, 47, describes this unique yoga practice that combines shakti (the female principle of divine energy) awakening power yoga, primal movements, and tribal dance with a bit of twerking, belly dancing, and exotic dance moves.
“When I get out of [a] class, I want to have sex. I feel sexy, strong, powerful and very fired up. It awakens the goddess in me!” she says.
4. Take a burlesque class.
Burlesque, which is essentially a form of striptease dating back to at least the 1800’s, helps women learn how to tease and seduce in a classy way using vaudeville-style props and cheekiness (pun intended!).
“My friend told me it was very empowering, so I gave it a shot. I would practice my routine for my boyfriend after class and we both loved it. I would never dance for a guy like that before, but this class was a real confidence-builder and it spiced up the relationship big time,” says Janie, 47.
5. Book a boudoir photo shoot.
Why should models have all the fun? Lots of photo studios offer Pinup Girl and Boudoir photo shoots to help women tap into their inner pinup model or vixen.
”It brought back the va-va-voom in me! I gave a book of my pinup photos to my boyfriend as a gift and it reminded us of our desire for each other. I felt sexier and when you feel sexy, the sex is better!” says Shari, 54.
6. Sext your partner.
A recent study reported that 88 percent of adults have sexted and 96 percent of those endorse it. Have you? Sending sexy photos and/or messages is a great way to add some spice into any relationship. Just ask Alexa, 47.
“I’ll sext my boyfriend all day and by the time I get home, we’re just ready for each other. When you’re flirting all day, you feel [more aroused] at night. It’s also a great way to ask for what you want sexually without having the awkward conversation in person,” she says.
7. Smoke some weed.
Guess what? Cannabis is now considered to be an aphrodisiac. Many sativa strains are blended specifically to increase the libido.
“I smoked for the first time in about 20 years and it opened doors for me sexually. I had an absolute sexual awakening with weed. It helped me let go of insecurities and made me feel more free. I walk around naked now and I’m crazier in bed. And, that feeling has stayed with me even when I’m not smoking weed,” says Jennifer, 49.
8. Read erotica.
If reading is to the mind what exercise is the to the body, then reading erotica is to the female libido what Viagra is for men with erectile dysfunction!
“I didn’t realize how not in touch with my sexuality I was until I started reading erotica late one night. It woke me up, and taught me a lot. I learned to use my voice in bed, which was a liberating lesson for me and made it hot for my lover,” says Kate, 49.
With her provocative writing style and penchant for in-depth research, Carrie Borzillo has earned renown and respect over her 20 years as a music and entertainment journalist. She has also written about sex advice columns for Gene Simmons’ Tongue Magazine, SuicideGirls, and THC Expose Magazine, and has appeared as a sexpert on national shows such as “Loveline” with Dr. Drew, Playboy Radio, and others.
4 kinky handcuff sex positions because losing control is sexy
Sex toys these days are getting more innovative (and sometimes, more complicated), but handcuffs are one of the classics. Maybe you’ve always had a power-play fantasy, or maybe you have some Halloween cuffs lying around the house that you had no idea what to do with — until now.
If handcuffs intrigue you, you’re not alone: A recent LifeStyles Condoms SKYN Sex Survey found 26 percent of respondents reported a desire to incorporate restraints into their sexual routines, and 15 percent said they already do. Why are handcuffs so sexy in the first place? Control — or lack thereof — is a huge factor. And much of that has to do with your 9-to-5 gig.
“For people who have a day-to-day life of being constantly in control, juggling too many tasks with an overload of responsibilities, giving up control in the bedroom can be a huge turn-on,” says sexologist Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast. “It allows them to tap into their bodies sexually and let go without worrying about anyone else’s pleasure but their own. The same goes for someone who is more passive in their day-to-day life. It’s arousing to be the dominant, to be the one in control, calling the shots and orchestrating the entire scene.”
Which category do you fall into? Or do you find both scenarios hot?
Here are four positions to get you thinking about your next sexy bedroom session. Surprising your partner this weekend may be in order…
1. The Kinky Missionary
How you do it: The person on the receiving end lies on her back, hands overhead and cuffed. You can up the ante with a second pair of cuffs on the ankles if the bed has legs to loop the cuff’s chain or a length of rope to. The dominant person is on top, probably talking dirty.
Why it feels so good: Anyone who already loves missionary position loves it because of the full-body contact and face-to-face intimacy. This allows those elements to remain very important and adds a touch of power play: Hands over head and bound exposes the breasts and gives her more of a feeling of being ravished. If someone likes bondage, the immobility and ravishment are generally part of its delight. The ‘top’ gets the delicious feeling of power and that the ‘bottom’ is there for the taking — quite literally.”
2. Queening in Bondage
How you do it: For this position, the man (or submissive partner) is on the bottom. ‘Queening’ is also known as ‘sitting on his face,’ so this is an oral sex position where the woman gets lovely licks while the man’s wrists are bound above his head; she just has to take care not to put her weight on his arms when settling in to be pleasured. This could also be modified to involve woman-on-top intercourse but with the bottom cuffed.
Why it feels so good: One thing the Fifty Shades of Grey reader doesn’t really get is a positive look at a woman on top. “‘Queening’ is a very good tease position, where the top person almost lowers herself onto the bottom person but doesn’t quite make contact… ’till their partner begs!”
3. Hands Behind Ankles
How you do it: “Lie down with your belly to the floor or bed. Bend your legs up and reach back for your feet. Attach the handcuffs around your wrists so that they sit behind the ankles,” says licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist Kat Van Kirk.
Why it feels so good: “This position can bend you open so that there is great access to the mons pubis, labia and clitoris. It opens your hip flexor muscles and flexes your glutes for a fabulous and very arousing stretch, which brings blood flow to the pelvis,” she says.
4. Standing Room Only
How you do it: “Find a spot, like a towel rod or a hook against the wall, where you can handcuff your partner’s arms while standing up,” Morse says. “Once you have both hands restrained above their head, tell them not to move. Just the act of you forcing the arms back with handcuffs is a sign that this is where they’re going to stay put for a while, especially when said in a stern voice. It’s perfectly acceptable to not feel totally comfortable with some of the words and actions at first, but just go with it. Sex isn’t supposed to be perfect, but it does get better when you stretch your sexual boundaries (to a certain point). With both hands restrained, it’s up to the dominant to begin the teasing and the surprising. You’re in control, so tie the arms and toss on a blindfold and play with different sensations. Try softly kissing your partner on the lips, then slowly moving down, stopping to nibble and tease the nipples. Engage in oral but don’t stop exploring — you’ll go back to that anyway. Play with sensations: Warm oil from a massage candle, ice cubes or wet kisses will all stimulate your partner’s arousal. If they are blindfolded, they won’t know which sensation will come next, making it mysterious and that much hotter. This session ends when you say so or your partner can’t take it anymore because they just have to have sex with you now.”
Why it feels so good: “This is pleasurable to both of you because you’re giving and receiving on your own terms,” she says. “Playing up the scenario with handcuffs makes the roles even more pronounced and that much more of an arousing act all around.”
BONUS HANDCUFF SEX TIPS:
Q. What kind should I buy?
Technically, any handcuffs will work (even a scarf that you tie — loosely! — as makeshift cuffs will do just fine). Know, however, that there is a possibility that some handcuffs can cause nerve damage, Queen says. The cheap kind of handcuffs that don’t lock can continue to ratchet and clamp down on your wrists, and the metal of the heavy-duty, locking, police-grade cuffs can be dangerous if you’re writhing hard against them. If you’re worried about those scenarios, consider buying cuffs made of leather or fabric that buckle or tie. Thrillsfulfilled sells a myriad of cool-looking products like this that range from tough-looking restraints to super-glam cuffs. See ’em all here.
Q. I’m a little freaked out by the idea of restraints. How can I make sure my partner and I both stay safe?
First, don’t do bondage with a person you don’t know well or trust, and agree on a “safe word” in advance. “A safe word — any word besides ‘no’ or ‘stop,’ basically — allows the bottom person to be in character if she likes; when it’s time to stop, the safe word takes them out of the fantasy scene and interjects real needs in a clear way,” Queen says.
Second: Make sure the object you’re cuffing a person to and the surface they’re resting on is stable. “Even if you don’t cuff someone to a piece of furniture, like a chair or headboard, make sure they’re not going to fall off the side of the sofa (or billionaire’s office desk) or be thrown back onto the bed with their hands tied behind their back,” she says.