8 Sex Tips For Women Who Want To Have Great Orgasms Again
By Carrie Borzillo
You know that old saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks?”
Well, we found eight women, all over the age of 40, who decided to flash some serious side-eye to that sentiment by trying some new things that transformed their lives forever, and they were generous enough to share their favorite sex tips so you can check them out for yourself and start having great sex again, too!
Here are their suggestions, so get ready to take notes!
1. Get tantric.
Tantric sex is not all about having sex for hours on end, as rock star Sting once boasted. It actually includes realistic practices that can help sex last longer.
“My boyfriend and I learned the tantric ‘Breath of Fire’ in which he breathes very fast through his nose to delay his climax. To feel more sensation during the Big O, we growled like tigers to tap into our primal nature. Sounds silly, but it totally worked!” explains Caroline, 51.
2. Take sexy selfies… for yourself!
For Lisa, 46, taking sexy photos of (and for!) herself gave her a whole new sense of self… and sexiness!
“I gained a lot of weight and my self-confidence was down. So I started taking photos of myself for fun. With my digital camera, I was able to control the angle, the lighting, and use a filter — and I liked what I saw. It gave me my confidence back. I don’t apologize for my size anymore and I feel more confidence in life and the bedroom,” she says.
3. Embrace your inner goddess with Buti yoga.
If you want to feel like a warrior princess, a goddess, and a sex kitten all in one hour, then try Buti yoga. That’s how Carrie, 47, describes this unique yoga practice that combines shakti (the female principle of divine energy) awakening power yoga, primal movements, and tribal dance with a bit of twerking, belly dancing, and exotic dance moves.
“When I get out of [a] class, I want to have sex. I feel sexy, strong, powerful and very fired up. It awakens the goddess in me!” she says.
4. Take a burlesque class.
Burlesque, which is essentially a form of striptease dating back to at least the 1800’s, helps women learn how to tease and seduce in a classy way using vaudeville-style props and cheekiness (pun intended!).
“My friend told me it was very empowering, so I gave it a shot. I would practice my routine for my boyfriend after class and we both loved it. I would never dance for a guy like that before, but this class was a real confidence-builder and it spiced up the relationship big time,” says Janie, 47.
5. Book a boudoir photo shoot.
Why should models have all the fun? Lots of photo studios offer Pinup Girl and Boudoir photo shoots to help women tap into their inner pinup model or vixen.
”It brought back the va-va-voom in me! I gave a book of my pinup photos to my boyfriend as a gift and it reminded us of our desire for each other. I felt sexier and when you feel sexy, the sex is better!” says Shari, 54.
6. Sext your partner.
A recent study reported that 88 percent of adults have sexted and 96 percent of those endorse it. Have you? Sending sexy photos and/or messages is a great way to add some spice into any relationship. Just ask Alexa, 47.
“I’ll sext my boyfriend all day and by the time I get home, we’re just ready for each other. When you’re flirting all day, you feel [more aroused] at night. It’s also a great way to ask for what you want sexually without having the awkward conversation in person,” she says.
7. Smoke some weed.
Guess what? Cannabis is now considered to be an aphrodisiac. Many sativa strains are blended specifically to increase the libido.
“I smoked for the first time in about 20 years and it opened doors for me sexually. I had an absolute sexual awakening with weed. It helped me let go of insecurities and made me feel more free. I walk around naked now and I’m crazier in bed. And, that feeling has stayed with me even when I’m not smoking weed,” says Jennifer, 49.
8. Read erotica.
If reading is to the mind what exercise is the to the body, then reading erotica is to the female libido what Viagra is for men with erectile dysfunction!
“I didn’t realize how not in touch with my sexuality I was until I started reading erotica late one night. It woke me up, and taught me a lot. I learned to use my voice in bed, which was a liberating lesson for me and made it hot for my lover,” says Kate, 49.
With her provocative writing style and penchant for in-depth research, Carrie Borzillo has earned renown and respect over her 20 years as a music and entertainment journalist. She has also written about sex advice columns for Gene Simmons’ Tongue Magazine, SuicideGirls, and THC Expose Magazine, and has appeared as a sexpert on national shows such as “Loveline” with Dr. Drew, Playboy Radio, and others.
4 kinky handcuff sex positions because losing control is sexy
Sex toys these days are getting more innovative (and sometimes, more complicated), but handcuffs are one of the classics. Maybe you’ve always had a power-play fantasy, or maybe you have some Halloween cuffs lying around the house that you had no idea what to do with — until now.
If handcuffs intrigue you, you’re not alone: A recent LifeStyles Condoms SKYN Sex Survey found 26 percent of respondents reported a desire to incorporate restraints into their sexual routines, and 15 percent said they already do. Why are handcuffs so sexy in the first place? Control — or lack thereof — is a huge factor. And much of that has to do with your 9-to-5 gig.
“For people who have a day-to-day life of being constantly in control, juggling too many tasks with an overload of responsibilities, giving up control in the bedroom can be a huge turn-on,” says sexologist Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast. “It allows them to tap into their bodies sexually and let go without worrying about anyone else’s pleasure but their own. The same goes for someone who is more passive in their day-to-day life. It’s arousing to be the dominant, to be the one in control, calling the shots and orchestrating the entire scene.”
Which category do you fall into? Or do you find both scenarios hot?
Here are four positions to get you thinking about your next sexy bedroom session. Surprising your partner this weekend may be in order…
1. The Kinky Missionary
How you do it: The person on the receiving end lies on her back, hands overhead and cuffed. You can up the ante with a second pair of cuffs on the ankles if the bed has legs to loop the cuff’s chain or a length of rope to. The dominant person is on top, probably talking dirty.
Why it feels so good: Anyone who already loves missionary position loves it because of the full-body contact and face-to-face intimacy. This allows those elements to remain very important and adds a touch of power play: Hands over head and bound exposes the breasts and gives her more of a feeling of being ravished. If someone likes bondage, the immobility and ravishment are generally part of its delight. The ‘top’ gets the delicious feeling of power and that the ‘bottom’ is there for the taking — quite literally.”
2. Queening in Bondage
How you do it: For this position, the man (or submissive partner) is on the bottom. ‘Queening’ is also known as ‘sitting on his face,’ so this is an oral sex position where the woman gets lovely licks while the man’s wrists are bound above his head; she just has to take care not to put her weight on his arms when settling in to be pleasured. This could also be modified to involve woman-on-top intercourse but with the bottom cuffed.
Why it feels so good: One thing the Fifty Shades of Grey reader doesn’t really get is a positive look at a woman on top. “‘Queening’ is a very good tease position, where the top person almost lowers herself onto the bottom person but doesn’t quite make contact… ’till their partner begs!”
3. Hands Behind Ankles
How you do it: “Lie down with your belly to the floor or bed. Bend your legs up and reach back for your feet. Attach the handcuffs around your wrists so that they sit behind the ankles,” says licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist Kat Van Kirk.
Why it feels so good: “This position can bend you open so that there is great access to the mons pubis, labia and clitoris. It opens your hip flexor muscles and flexes your glutes for a fabulous and very arousing stretch, which brings blood flow to the pelvis,” she says.
4. Standing Room Only
How you do it: “Find a spot, like a towel rod or a hook against the wall, where you can handcuff your partner’s arms while standing up,” Morse says. “Once you have both hands restrained above their head, tell them not to move. Just the act of you forcing the arms back with handcuffs is a sign that this is where they’re going to stay put for a while, especially when said in a stern voice. It’s perfectly acceptable to not feel totally comfortable with some of the words and actions at first, but just go with it. Sex isn’t supposed to be perfect, but it does get better when you stretch your sexual boundaries (to a certain point). With both hands restrained, it’s up to the dominant to begin the teasing and the surprising. You’re in control, so tie the arms and toss on a blindfold and play with different sensations. Try softly kissing your partner on the lips, then slowly moving down, stopping to nibble and tease the nipples. Engage in oral but don’t stop exploring — you’ll go back to that anyway. Play with sensations: Warm oil from a massage candle, ice cubes or wet kisses will all stimulate your partner’s arousal. If they are blindfolded, they won’t know which sensation will come next, making it mysterious and that much hotter. This session ends when you say so or your partner can’t take it anymore because they just have to have sex with you now.”
Why it feels so good: “This is pleasurable to both of you because you’re giving and receiving on your own terms,” she says. “Playing up the scenario with handcuffs makes the roles even more pronounced and that much more of an arousing act all around.”
BONUS HANDCUFF SEX TIPS:
Q. What kind should I buy?
Technically, any handcuffs will work (even a scarf that you tie — loosely! — as makeshift cuffs will do just fine). Know, however, that there is a possibility that some handcuffs can cause nerve damage, Queen says. The cheap kind of handcuffs that don’t lock can continue to ratchet and clamp down on your wrists, and the metal of the heavy-duty, locking, police-grade cuffs can be dangerous if you’re writhing hard against them. If you’re worried about those scenarios, consider buying cuffs made of leather or fabric that buckle or tie. Thrillsfulfilled sells a myriad of cool-looking products like this that range from tough-looking restraints to super-glam cuffs. See ’em all here.
Q. I’m a little freaked out by the idea of restraints. How can I make sure my partner and I both stay safe?
First, don’t do bondage with a person you don’t know well or trust, and agree on a “safe word” in advance. “A safe word — any word besides ‘no’ or ‘stop,’ basically — allows the bottom person to be in character if she likes; when it’s time to stop, the safe word takes them out of the fantasy scene and interjects real needs in a clear way,” Queen says.
Second: Make sure the object you’re cuffing a person to and the surface they’re resting on is stable. “Even if you don’t cuff someone to a piece of furniture, like a chair or headboard, make sure they’re not going to fall off the side of the sofa (or billionaire’s office desk) or be thrown back onto the bed with their hands tied behind their back,” she says.
Sex positions to last longer in bed
If you want to last longer in bed (and we’re hoping for her sake you do), you need to employ some strategies to dodge premature ejaculation.
Specific sex positions are an effective way to delay your gratification, while building hers, because they emphasize clitoral stimulation (rather than deep penetration) and put you in control, so you can ease off when you feel like you’re on the brink.
Here are eight positions that’ll help you go out in an aptly timed bang.
Spooning is arguably the best position to help you last longer. The penetration is on the shallow side, so you won’t get overstimulated. Lie on your sides, facing the same direction. You should be behind her (in the “big spoon” position). Initial penetration can be a little tricky since it’s hard to see where you’re going. Have her lift her top leg for easier access, then use your finger to find her vagina and guide yourself in. Focus on grinding against her rather than thrusting.
2. The Twist
If you’re enjoying Spooning, have her spread her legs apart so they’re in a scissored position. She’ll stay on her side, but you’ll shift your body on top of hers. (This is the position you’d be in for Missionary.) Your chest and stomach will press against her side as you grind. This is a nice position to transition into for a few minutes before going back to Spooning. Think of it as an interlude of sorts: It creates some different angles for you both, but isn’t so intense that you’ll lose control.
Lie on your sides, facing each other. It might take a little bit of wriggling around to get into the right position, especially if you’ve got a good height difference. Have her lift her top leg and wrap it around your waist. You can’t get super-deep penetration, just like Spooning, so this won’t be too overwhelming. It’s a romantic, intimate position you’ll both enjoy.
4. Missionary Grind
Missionary is typically a position that’s hard to last very long in, because most men rapidly thrust in and out. Instead, try grinding against her. It may help if you lift your body up a few inches—closer to her head than usual—and have her spread her legs wider. This position has the added bonus of giving her plenty of clitoral stimulation, increasing the odds you’ll climax around the same time.
5. Missionary Outercourse
This is another variation on traditional Missionary. Lean over her body and place your penis between her labia. Grind against her, rubbing your penis against her clitoris. As the name suggests, you’re not penetrating her. This eases the intensity of Missionary, but still gives you plenty of closeness and wetness. It also gives her the clitoral stimulation she needs.
Sit up with your legs lightly crossed in front of you. (You don’t need to get into full pretzel position if you’re not flexible enough.) Have her lower down onto your lap, facing you. She should wrap her legs around your back. From here, the two of you grind against each other. This position works really well because there’s virtually no in-and-out motion; it’s just grinding. But the penetration is really deep, so it still feels fantastic. It’s a good go-to when you need to take a bit of a break when things get too hot and heavy.
7. The Cross
This is a little hard to envision, so think as if she’s sitting on your lap while lying down. You’ll come up on your side, facing her. Have her lie on her back, then align your crotches and have her drape both her legs over the side of your body. Together you’ll form a cross-like shape. The initial penetration can be a bit tricky, but once you’re in, the two of you can gently rock against each other. This is another position where you have a limited range of movement, so it’s easier to stay in control.
8. Lying Doggy
A lot of guys reserve Doggy style till the end of sex because it’s such a gratifying position (aka it’s hard to last very long). This variation preserves what you love about the move, but helps you stay in control. Start off in regular Doggy style. Lower down until she’s lying flat on her belly and your stomach is pressing the top of her back. It’s like you’re in Missionary, only she’s flipped over. Grind against her, or try slowing thrusting in and out. If you find you’re slipping out, have her lift her butt and arch her back a bit.
Women are not the only ones with a powerful G-spot – although it is perhaps more well known.
The G-Spot has earned its name from the pioneering sexologist Ernst Gräfenberg. He was credited to have “discovered” the pleasure spot in the 1940s.
Some men may already be aware of this erogenous zone, but others have no idea.
With the day of love upon us, you might want to experiment with finding it tonight. Here is everything you need to know about the elusive G-spot.
“IT REALLY CAN OPEN UP A WHOLE NEW AVENUE OF PLEASURE FOR MEN IF THEY ARE WILLING TO TRY IT”
Dr Susan Milstein – Sex educator and professor
What is the G-Spot?
The male G-Spot is actually what is commonly referred to as the prostate gland.
Dr Susan Milstein, a sex educator and professor in the Department of Health Enhancement, Exercise Science and Physical Education at Montgomery College, said: “It really can open up a whole new avenue of pleasure for men if they are willing to try it.”
This is because the prostate itself contains many nerve endings – in fact it has almost as many as the clitoris, according to Dr Milstein.
The prostate is not just there to secrete prostate fluid – but can also bring men a lot of pleasure.
Where is the male G-Spot?
The prostate is often referred to as the male G-spot. This area can be found at the neck of the bladder, inside the anus.
The prostate gland is a lump of tissue that is capable of bringing pleasure to a man.
Often referred to as the size of a walnut, the G-Spot can be found around two or three inches inside the rectum.
Much like the female G-spot, it is located toward the belly, but more specifically under the bladder.
How can you find it?
There are two ways to stimulate the male G-spot – from the outside and the inside.
If you want to stimulate your partner’s G-spot from the inside you should get him to lie back in a comfortable position.
Fingers should be cleaned and nails should be trimmed to avoid any discomfort.
You should be able to find the walnut-shaped bump with the soft pad of your fingers a couple of inches in.
But perhaps the easiest way to find the pleasure spot is from the outside.
To do this, you or your partner should gently press on the skin between the balls and the anus – known as the perineum.
Dr Ian Kerner, author of Sex Detox, said: “Stimulating these spots not only feels terrific for a man, but it also builds sexual tension throughout his entire body and increases blood flow to his genitals.
“This boosts his arousal and intensifies his pelvic contractions, magnifying his orgasm tenfold.
“His prostate is situated above your fingers, inside his body.
“So by applying pressure here, you’re directly rubbing his G-spot.”
Americans Want to Try More Anal Sex and Bondage, and We’re All for It
Though 40 percent of respondent said they considered themselves “kinky,” that doesn’t mean that they’re looking to go full 50 Shades of Grey. But a decent amount are willing to really spice things up: 29 percent of survey respondents said they wanted to try anal sex with their partner, while 24 percent said want to get more into role-playing. Additionally, 18 percent said they’d made a 2018 sexual resolution to give anal sex a go, and 14 percent were looking to become either a dominant or a submissive (aka they do want to go full 50 Shades).
And honestly, we’re all about that. A 2014 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that people who were into BDSM (a catch-all term for bondage, domination, sadism, masochism, and a bunch of kinks in between) appeared to be less neurotic, more open and secure in their relationship. The kinky respondents also reported generally higher levels of well being — in other words, getting freaky is good for you.
But if you aren’t completely ready to step into the world of BDSM, the survey showed plenty of people are right there with you. The 29 percent who wanted to try anal sex, however, should know that it requires some preparation. It’s something you have to talk to your partner about, and then plan ahead — knowing the ins and outs is crucial to keeping it both enjoyable and safe. If you’re going to try it with your partner, read this beginner’s guide first.
According to the survey the most common “kink” people want to try is simply introducing sex toys into their normal routine with their current partner. EdenFantasys’s study showed that 49 percent of people were willing to bring in a toy. Bear in mind that EdenFantasys is a sex toy company, so reporting that half of all Americans want to try sex toys looks pretty good for them. Sex toys on their own aren’t really a kink: they’re more of an entry-level tool for getting outside the world of standard sex. Check out Men’s Health guide to the best sex toys of 2017.
“Having an open mind sexually is a great way to keep happiness in a relationship,” A spokesperson for EdenFantasys told the New York Post. “We pride ourselves in helping others find the kink that’s right for them. We suggest starting with sex toys as they are safe, versatile and very fun.”
Finding the kink that’s right for you doesn’t have to be hard. Sex researchers estimate that there are literally hundreds of different kinks, or “paraphilias,” that people are into (around 549 observed ones, by the latest estimates). If you want to dip your toe (or anything else) in the waters, check out Men’s Health guide to a few of the most common kinks around.
“We, Americans, are going through transformative times,” the spokesperson added. “Testing our norms and our sexuality once again to find out how to live our lives even fuller and happier than ever.”
Still, it’s important to know what people don’t want as well. We know from a survey of 1,000 adults earlier this week that there are certain positions, kinks and sexual acts that people would rather avoid while getting down between the sheets, including the difficult-sounding “standing 69.”
Of course, before you attempt to introduce anything new with your partner make sure to have an open, honest and frank discussion about what you’re into and what both your limits are fist. Don’t worry, we have a guide for having that sexy conversation, too.
Keep your sex life hot for life
Even if you brag to all your buddies about how steamy and raunchy your sex life is, that flame can burn out over time.
But recent research from the University of Rochester suggests there’s a way to prevent that—and, no, it’s not with more sex (though a weekly romp might make you happier).
Researchers conducted three experiments in all. But one, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, included 100 couples who kept a diary every day for six weeks. Both partners rated and dictated their level of sexual desire, how they perceived their partner’s responsiveness, how special they felt, and how much they saw their partner as a valuable mate. Turns out, “responsiveness” great correlated to sexual desire.
“Responsiveness—which is a type of intimacy—is so important in a relationship because it signals that one is really concerned with the welfare of the other, but in a way that is truly open and informed about what the other cares about and wants,” study author Gurit Birnbaum said in a press release. Not sure how to be more responsive—or what it even means?
It’s how much you answer and react to her with a degree of caring, understanding, and validation. Responsive partners are willing to invest in the relationship and show a deep level of consideration, Birnbaum explains. When you make her feel respected, special, and wanted, that’s going to rev much, much more gusto in the bedroom, according to results from the study. Responsiveness is huge for women. While men get a libido boost from responsiveness, a woman’s desire is more largely influenced and amplified by it.
“Sexual desire thrives on increasing intimacy and being responsive is one of the best ways to instill this elusive sensation over time; better than any pyrotechnic sex,” Birnbaum says.
You hear that? Hanging from wall beams or having sex in crazy locations isn’t necessarily going to keep things heated. Interesting, maybe. But you’re better off shooting for making her feel desirable and unique. Don’t get it twisted, though…
“‘Being ‘nice’ and things like that are not necessarily based on who the partner is and what the partner really wants,” Birnbaum says. To be more responsive, actively try to keep the conversations on the topic at hand. If she tells you she just landed her dream job, but it’s across the country; a responsive partner will be congratulatory and supportive, rather than driving the conversation to them, selfishly—saying something like ‘There’s a fat chance in hell I’ll ever move to Alaska.’
Ultimately, the researchers argue you can have a long-term relationship with increasing sexual desire over time so long as there’s intimacy. Sure, the novelty and uncertainty of an unpredictable partner can fuel desire; but security stands the test of time.
7 Porn Stars on Their Favorite Sex Toy
1. Clandestine Mimic
A palm-sized clitoral vibrator.
“I love the MIMIC because it’s the perfect size and shape to enhance the experience rather than get in the way. It’s so cute, it looks like a little manta ray. I also love that it comes in black. I’m so tired of the overtly pink branding of [sex toys]. I’m happy for people who like pink [however] pink is not the end all, be all of femininity and its expressions. It’s nice to be acknowledged that way.”—Janice Griffith
Shop Now Mimic Vibrator, $82.50
A sex toy that uses suction technology to mimic the feeling of oral sex.
“I used to say a Hitachi [was my favorite] but my new favorite is The Womanizer. I had a fan send me one and I tried it and it’s amazing — it has this cup on it that sucks and blows air on your clitoris and it produces results in no time. It’s rechargeable with a USB cable and I’m totally guilty of overusing it.”—Whitney Wright
Shop Now Womanizer, $79 – $164.25
3. An electric tooth brush
The non-bristle side can be used as a clitoral vibrator.
“I’m not gonna lie, I have used a vibrating toothbrush the most. I don’t like to bring sex toys along with me when I travel, so this toothbrush is the perfect stealth sex toy. It’s my go-to ‘toy’ at home, too. I don’t need anything fancy. I prefer a small toy that focuses on my clit like a laser beam. I use the backside of the head of the toothbrush and this toothbrush works like a charm for me. Always use the toothbrush bristles pointed away from your body. That’s very important. It doesn’t feel good on the bristle side (I’ve tried that.) The batteries also last longer than you would expect. They do a great job, I can climax very quick if needed. You can buy them in bulk too so they are practically disposable. Consider this an inside secret from an expert level stealth masturbator.”—Rahyndee James
Shop Now 3D White Luxe Pulsar Battery Powered Toothbrushes, ORAL B (Available on Amazon), $20 for a 4-pack
4. Original Hitachi Magic Wand
A wand-style clitoral vibrator that plugs into the wall.
“If you’re into clitoral stimulation to reach your orgasm, I suggest my all time favorite Hitachi Magic Wand. It’s the most effective way to reach the best version of clitoral stimulation. I like the corded because you never have to worry about lack of power. I bought mine eight years ago and it’s still fully effective and hasn’t died on me. It’s powerful and the vibration levels suit my needs. It also helps when your back is hurting.”—Brett Rossi
Shop Now Magic Wand Original, $56.70
5. Hitachi Magic Wand…Again!
“Call me old fashioned but I am a Hitachi Magic Wand girl. I like the size and how easily I can hold it when using it. The power is also nice. It’s the perfect speed for me and is also just as fun with partners or solo. When I travel I can just tell people it’s my massager. They know I am lying but at least I do not look like a total pervert.”—Ariana Marie
Shop Now Magic Wand Rechargeable, HITACHI, $110.25
6. Bad Dragon Ika
A dildo shaped like a tentacle.
“I would have to pick something by Bad Dragon. I love their dildos. They’re like fan fiction for sex toys. Ever wanted to try a dragon dick, unicorn penis, or whatever from your favorite fantasy novel? They can make pretty much anything you can imagine and you can customize all their toys to your tastes. Personally, I like the Ika. I’ve always had a thing for tentacles in hentai.”—Harriet Sugarcookie
Shop Now Ika Dildo, BADDRAGON, $55
7. Mambo Vibrating Dildo
A vibrating dildo.
“I love this toy because it’s the perfect length, girth, and texture. It’s big enough to reach all my favorite spots, but it’s not too big. It gives me a good stretch without pain and the texture doesn’t rob me of my moisture. It’s also really pretty so I can use it on my webcam shows or just when sending sexy pics to my crushes. It’s also waterproof if I ever feel like getting messy in the tub.”—Natasha Nice
Shop Now Mambo Vibrating Dildo, BLUSH NOVELTIES, $17
With This Warming Vibrator, Winter Won’t Be the Only Thing Coming
To say that I love this warming vibrator would not paint the full picture. After it made me orgasm, I wanted to snuggle up to the Doc Johnson iVibe Select iWand and slip into a beautiful slumber. Had this take on the wand vibrator finally made me understand why some people fall in love with inanimate objects? Let’s just say, I get it now.
The iWand is like a heating pad—it’s warm and instantly comforting—except it will also get you off. There are seven vibrating speeds to try, and it’s made of body-safe silicone. Its full title, the Doc Johnson iVibe iWand, is a lengthy name to type. Since I am catching feelings for this vibrator, I’m going to henceforth refer to it as my dragon, because winter is coming and so am I. (Tip: If you’re also a Game of Thrones fan but you want to associate a human with your new inanimate lover rather than a reptilian mythical creature, you could just call this sex toy “Jon” for Jon Snow, or “Dany” for Daenerys Targaryen, based upon your mood and preference.)
My dragon is pink, but this toy is also available in purple and black. It’s technically a wand vibrator, like the famed Magic Wand, the so-called Cadillac of Vibrators. For many, the drawback to the Magic Wand is that it’s giant, loud, and intimidating—and a bit clinical in its appearance by design. Of course, the fact that it’s not exactly vibrator-y looking—coupled with the powerful orgasms it delivers some people—could also be why it’s so popular.
But for those interested in an equally orgasmic and yet far cuter wand vibrator, the iWand is a worthwhile investment. At $122, it costs about as much as one therapy session after yet another Tinder date lets you know that, by the way, he’s not looking for anything too serious. Fortunately, neither am I: I’m already in love with a pink robot. Unlike humans, the iWand doesn’t switch rapidly from hot to cold, but slowly heats up as your orgasm builds.
If you’re in a relationship, regardless of the gender of your partner, you should absolutely give the iWand a try. Vibrators make penetrative sex better because you can place one on your clitoris to get off more easily. Wand vibrators work especially well for this, but they can be large and clunky, and some older varieties need to be plugged into the wall. Not the iWand. My dragon recharges simply, through a USB cord plugged into my computer. Be prepared: You may have to open up your partnership to a triad to make room for this sex toy.
I’m single, but with my dragon to get me off and my girlfriends there for emotional support, I basically have all my sexual and emotional needs met this cuffing season—and I don’t even have to meet anyone’s family over the holidays. I believe that this sex toy can change the way we date. From now on, if I’m going to let you into my bed, you’d better have a wonderful personality and be at leastas impressive as this vibrator.
The Doc Johnson iVibe Select iWand, $110, is available here.
of anal play for straight men
Anal sex can be a little frightening for straight guys— at least, at first. That doesn’t mean they aren’t interested, though. Here we’ll take a look at some of the things that might concern a hetero guy customer who wants to try anal play—and provides some tips on how to have the best, most mind-blowing orgasm they can ever have. But first, I want to add a note that this is an article for straight men, by a straight man. As a result, the terms and pronouns used here are geared toward heterosexual men in heterosexual relationships. Please don’t take offense if these words do not match your sexual preference, relationship type, pronoun choice, or gender. Now let’s address some of the concerns many men have about anal sex.
Does Anal Sex Hurt?
If you have ever had an unpleasant medical exam with an anal examination, you may think that all anal play feels like that. The truth is that people are nervous when they go to the doctor and tend to clench up a bit. This is one of the worst things they can do to start anal play. So, rule No.1 of anal play is to remember to breathe and relax!
What Will The Girlfriend or Wife Think?
Several women have come to me for advice on this subject. Their concern was that their man’s interest in trying anal sex is a sign that he’s gay or bisexual. According to a New York Times article published in December 2013, of all 0f the Google searches conducted in the United States that begin with “Is my husband …,” the most common end to the phrase is “gay.” Of course, in most cases, the husband in question is not, in fact, gay. This concern is really about a lack of control on the part of the female partner, and the real fear might have more to do with her partner’s sexual adventurousness than with a real concern that he’s attracted to the same sex.
Why Would Your Customer Want to Have Anal Sex Anyway?
Anal sex is probably the most sought-after orgasm for those who’ve it experienced due to the flood of endorphin’s it produces. You will never feel a bigger, better orgasm in your life.
Does Having Anal Sex Mean Your Customer Might Be Gay?
There is a social stigma for hetero men if they feel, or appear to be, gay. This is a real issue for straight men who are not in touch with gay culture, advanced sexual techniques or sex-positive friends. Fortunately, the first hurdle to overcome here is really simple: There is nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual. Once you understand that, you just have to know that it’s not what they put in their body that makes them gay—it’s who they love (or love having sex with). If that sex involves anal play, that doesn’t change a thing. Now that you have made it past the idea that they’re straight and want to try this, let the fun begin!
Many people worry that anal sex will be messy. It can be, but good anal hygiene will address most of those concerns. First, empty your bowels. Then, take a shower and clean your anus inside and out. If you are really concerned, you can even try an enema. Keep some gloves handy for your partner (keep in mind possible allergies), lay down a clean towel and have some baby wipes ready to go—just in case.
There are a few safety concerns for anal play. Anal tearing is the largest of these, and can easily be controlled by lubricating the toy, finger or tongue you are going to use for anal sex. You can never have too much lubrication. The type of lubrication that is best is a huge debate, and people are still arguing over whether water-based or silicone-based lubes are best. Also keep in mind that the fewer ingredients in a silicone lube, the less filler there is, and the better the lube. There are safety issues with toys too. The biggest issue with anal toys is actually the fact that they can slip into the rectum—and that can mean a very embarrassing trip to the emergency room. Sex educators like to say, “without a base, without a trace.” So, make sure the end of any toy you use anally has a flared base that will prevent the toy from completely entering the rectum. Next, is the size and shape of the toy. Start off with something smooth and small—about the size and shape of a finger—without sharp edges and let their anus adjust to the size of the item. Once you feel comfortable with a toy that’s one-finger sized, move up to two-finger sized, then three. The toys you use should be made of silicone, hard plastic or metal—these are easier to clean safely. Remember you can also put a condom over any toy you use.
A Recap of the 5 Rules of Anal Play
If you decide to try anal sex or some other form of anal play? Don’t forget the rules:
- Rule No.1: Remember to breathe and to relax
- Rule No.2: Clean your anus, and keep supplies like gloves, a towel and baby wipes handy.
- Rule No.3: You can never have too much lubrication.
- Rule No.4: Without a base, without a trace.
- Rule No.5: Communication, communication, communication!
Although it can be a little nerve wracking to try anal play for the first time, once you try it correctly and safely, you might just be hooked—and you’ll probably wonder why you didn’t try it years ago!
Ken Melvoin-Berg is a Chicago-based freelance writer, author, professional pervert, TV producer, BDSM/sex educator, adult industry consultant, and male sex toy advocate. He is also the Consulting Producer/Sharon Osbourne of Showtime’s “Sex with Sunny Megatron.” Ken is an “edutainer” armed with knowledge of all things sexual, a humorous lecturing style, and a professional background in medicine/biology. He has been writing and lecturing on these subjects since 1997.